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Sorting Warcraft into Hogwarts: The Council of Three Hammers

Last month, in Sorting Warcraft into Hogwarts, we sorted Varian Wrynn and Tyrande Whisperwind into Gryffindor and Slytherin. Today, we aren’t sorting one, but three leaders of the Alliance – The Council of Three Hammers: Falstad Wildhammer, Muradin Bronzebeard, and Moira Thaurissan!

Let the sorting begin!

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Credit: Blizzard Entertainment.

“It’d take a hand’s worth of you hill dwarves to bring one from the Aerie down!” – Falstad Wildhammer

Not much is known about Falstad. Even Lord Metzen, may he forever reign, thought Falstad was dead.

What we do know about Falstad is that he was High Thane of the Wildhammer Clan in Aerie Peak and ruled majestically from the back of a gryphon. In a team of gryphon riders, Falstad was the seeker – fast and skilled.

Gryphons +1

We also know that Falstad is a compassionate and understanding dwarf. Kurdan sought representation on the Council of Three Hammers, but realized that Falstad was better suited to lead. Instead of taking offense, Falstad said it was NBD.

Chivalry +1

Falstad’s also a courageous and faithful dwarf. He was tasked to move Rhonin safely to Khaz Modan. On their way, the dwarf and his band were ambushed, many wounded or dead. Falstad mourned for the fallen and continued his journey with Rhonin to Khaz Modan, because Falstad is a dwarf of his word.

Bravery and Loyalty +1

Falstad is…

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GRYFFINDOR!

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There’s so little lore on Falstad, but he’s clearly a Gryffindor. He rides a freaking gryphon.

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Credit: SiaKim Deviantart

“Alright lads, line up! It’s hammer time!” – Muradin Bronzebeard

Muradin Bronzebeard is a man if I ever saw a man. In a cross-fandom universe, Muradin and Gimli would have been BFFs. He would have been an awesome addition to the Fellowship, because Muradin is a dedicated explorer and archaeologist. (For that matter, he and Indiana Jones could be BFFs… There needs to be a Gimli + Muradin + Indi buddy comedy.)

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Credit: New Line Cinema.

This dwarf has an appetite too. In Lordaeron, Muradin pulled a very stereotypical Hufflepuff move when he didn’t share his pastries with anyone. He also introduced the Feast of Winter Veil to the Alliance, a celebration where we get to eat treats and open presents.

Muradin mentored Arthas before he went to the dark side. Even when Arthas was changing because of Frostmourne, Muradin still had his back. He continued cautioning Arthas because Muradin loved him like a son. They had a spat, and Arthas left Muradin for dead after whacking him with Frostmourne, the swordly manifestation of a dementor. Luckily for our dwarf pal, a band of Frostborn dwarves rescued him from the brink of death. But of course, they all had to be attacked by a jormungar. You know what Muradin did? He sucker punched that sunnovabitch! It was only natural, then, for Muradin to be crowned King of the Frostborn.

And still, after all that, Muradin remembers Arthas as a sweet kid.

Muradin is…

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HUFFLEPUFF!

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Maybe you’re thinking, “No way Muradin is a Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs are lame!” Well friend, I’m Hufflepuff, and can attest to the house of the badger being friggin’ awesome. Even J.K. Rowling loves this house. Muradin is a Hufflepuff BAMF. He’s a dwarf who listens to his heart, sees and remembers the good in everyone, even after they’ve gone bad.

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Credit: Blizzard Entertainment.

“You stand before Moira, Queen-Regent of the Dark Iron Clan. Watch your tongue!” – Moira Thaurissan

I’m just gonna throw this out there: Moira Thaurissan is kind of a bitch. There, I said it. Not only that, her whole timeline is all sorts of messed up in a very Lannister-ish way. I mean, just look at that above quote. Queen-Regent? Remind you of anyone?

Like Cersei, Moira was born into a prominent house as the daughter of Magni Bronzebeard, and solidified her claim to fame even further when she wed Dagran Thaurissan of the Dark Iron, whose clan Moira officially chose to represent her after her father was petrified.

Let’s rewind.

Moira’s daddy-o wanted boys, but wound up with a daughter who he subsequently deemed unfit to rule. (Sound anything like Tywin Lannister?) She soon got her wish to rule, but in an unconventional way. Moira was kidnapped by Dark Iron dwarves and offered to Emperor Dagran Thaurissan in Shadowforge City. Like her sister from another mister, Cersei, Moira wasn’t going to rot in a cell when she wanted power, and power is exactly what Thaurissan gave to her. After telling Moira that she could rule if she wanted, Moira married the Emperor.

And wouldn’tcha know – he died.

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Credit: Blizzard Entertainment. Anduin Wrynn’s in-game model to whom Moira should be forever indebted to.

Angry that her husband bit the dust, and just as angry that her father back in Ironforge still wanted a son, she returned to her home city with her baby boy, Dagran Thaurissan II, presumably to rub in her father’s petrified face. She brought the Dark Iron in tow and with them, locked up all the Ironforge gryphons, shut down the Deeprun Tram, held Varian’s son, Anduin, hostage, and basically went Umbridge all over the place.

Varian wasn’t having it and planned to send SI:7, the M-I5 of Stormwind, to assassinate Moira. However, his son Anduin, being the Hufflepuff that he is, convinced his dad that it would be better to each Moira how to be a good ruler instead of mounting her head on a spike. Anduin’s desire for peace led to the founding of the Council of Three Hammers.

Even after the Council of Three Hammers was established, it took a while for Moira to get some sense knocked into her. Only during the Ironforge Airfield attack during the Cataclysm did Moira realize that the Dark Iron were a bunch of ne’er-do-wells and rabble rousers. She stood up for Ironforge, assassinating Ambassador Slaghammer, who she deemed responsible for the attacks.

Moira is…

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SLYTHERIN!

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Really, this sorting shouldn’t even surprise you. I’ve said that not all Slytherins are bad eggs, which is true, but Moira is one of the baddest of eggs, sitting pretty in my book next to Cersei Lannister and Professor Umbridge.

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Like what you’re reading? Keep your eyes open for the next chapter in this series! Disagree with my sortings? Lemme know where you think the Council of Three Hammers belong!

Written by Deva M. Gregory

Deva is a fiction writer, actor, and honorary Krogan from the Pacific Northwest. Her favorite companies include Blizzard Entertainment and Bioware. She is still waiting for her Hogwarts letter, but will also settle for the Tardis landing in her front yard. You can read more about her at devamarie.com.

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